Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize