she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
