And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The air taste purple.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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