I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
