can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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