So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize