I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
