I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
