God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
