kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
