I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
