I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
