o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this hospital has no fireball
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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