I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize