With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
