That's when you crack a 10am beer
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize