hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
