In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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