i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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