I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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