Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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