Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
