Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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