quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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