I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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