I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
