hell yes lets make some ravioli
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk is not a location!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
