I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
