I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
