i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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