I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
