capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
