Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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