I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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