I wanna passion pit in your ass
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
