I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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