I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
