So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
