I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
