I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
