Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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