oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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