If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
