I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
