I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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