Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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