i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
