I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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