He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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