sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
