Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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