Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
