Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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