I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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