I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
