dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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