So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
