I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
