Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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