Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
