Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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