Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
