can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
