I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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