ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize