Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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