guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
