Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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