I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
