My first STD was from a foam party
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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