And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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