i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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