Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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