Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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