So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
