I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just want nice things and good sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
