i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
