pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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