I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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