I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
