I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
