If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
