You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
