she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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