Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
