Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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