why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
