She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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