I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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