Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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