And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
