this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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