At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
