Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
