im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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