So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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