what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I only lived at night.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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