filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What a dumb baby whore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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